His & Hers Edition: 5 Lessons Learned In 5 Years Of Marriage

It has been 5 years since my husband, Rich, and I have said “I do” and “I will” respectively (lol). Even though we’ve been together for 12 years now reaching this milestone seems a bit surreal. Like WOW, here we are 5 years deep in this thang! God is good because it is only by his grace and mercy that we are still here, because marriage is HARD.

Prior to getting married, I would often cringe when I heard someone say that because I’m a firm believer that marriage is what you make it; HOWEVER, I cannot lie, it is still HARD. But through each disagreement, silent treatment, and every tit for tat spat we grow, evolve, and fall deeper in love.

For our 5th anniversary, Rich and I sat and talked about the 5 lessons we learned along the way.

HIS

1. Communication

We communicate to make sure we are on the same page of what we should and should not do for certain things that are needed for the house. Communicating overall.

Sidebar from Melisa: Clearly Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus because Rich always thinks about communication in terms of bills; whereas, I’m talking about us being connected mentally.

2. Patience

Have patience with your partner. Get to know your partner’s living habits because you both have different ways of doing things. Adjust to your partner’s way of living and vice versa to satisfy each other.

3. Never go to bed mad

Talk it out! You want to have clarity so you both will not be upset the next morning. If it’s too heated, give it a day to gather your thoughts then discuss it right away. You don’t want the disagreement to linger too long.

4. Learn your partner’s moods

Sometimes your partner comes from work and you want to know where they are mentally because work may be stressful and you want to cheer them up. Listen to your partner and feel them out to make sure they are okay. Some days Melisa may be sad, some days she’s happy, some days she may be angry, but at the end of the day, I want her to be happy.

Sidebar from Melisa: I think somebody’s calling me moody! (Kanye shrug)

5. Know your partner’s love language

I know sometimes, I can be in my little bubble (gamer bubble says Melisa) but I know quality time is DEFINITELY one of her love languages. So I try to spend quality time with Melisa.

Sidebar from Melisa: The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman is a great read.

HERS

1. Keep God at the center

We try our best to pray and go to church together even though we pray for each other separately. We know that our union is God ordained and we have to keep him at the focal point. I, especially, do when there are moments that I feel like only JESUS can fix this (lol).

2. Monthly Check-ins

Rich and I like to have monthly check-ins to make sure we are on the same page in terms of what we need from each other to have a fulfilled marriage. Typically, we’ll go out to dinner and have open and honest dialogue about how we feel, what we appreciate about each other, and what we need more of in the future.

3. S-E-X

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” ~ Proverbs 5:18-19

Sex is the act of two becoming one flesh as the good Lord called us to be! We do not have any children just yet, but we both work 2 jobs, so sometimes you gotta get it in, where you can fit it in.

4. Space

We both love our “me time”, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. Rich and I believe that in order for us to have a fulfilling marriage we still have to maintain our separate interests/hobbies.

5. Date Nights

Continue to date and woo each other. While dating, Rich and I always made it our goal to outdo each other with gifts and surprises. You gotta keep it spicy!

BONUS LESSON

Keep laughing with and at each other because life is too short.